almos imbolc, almost time...

Time.
That bizarre concept in which we monitor the outside world, our internal thoughts and our personal and world-based expereinces. We cannot step into the same rive twice - the more we repeat Herolietus, the more we believe it. Because, even if we were able to step into the same river at the same time (with some metho of time travel) there'd be someone in the way. Ourselves. At that moment in time. And if we are to posit multiple universes, then it is not the same river we are steping into but multiple world 2's river etc.
So, hero old chap, you're right? Unless I'm applying logic and sense to impossibilities and herefore instantly limiting myself. after al, there is the world of the immateria, the imagination...

Einstein claimed that imagination is much more important stuff than knowledge. He also said that God does not play dice with the universe and that most of the stuff he did was for fun.
It's now 4.0 by the electronic version of a timepiece in the bottom righthand screen of my monitor. (that infers that it is eleven minutes past the fourth hour in the morning of the 31st january 2008 a.d. and that the time i have spent wrting this has passed... past...)

Torchwood episode from last night just watched, hence the musiings on time. Up early due to going to bed for a 'np' and sleeping unil 10pm, getting up briefly then continuing my journey into neverland/hy basil/land of nod etc...

Buddhist witha blue spiral will...
...nepal...

Something someone said - means anything to any readers out there?

Anyhow, I'm going to continue my musings into the night, reflect upon stuff and then, most likely, go for a walk.
4.14 - do you know where your time is?

having your chance...

saturday morning = rest, lie in, not work.
so, how come i'm up at half seven, feling awake and wondering about what to do today? feeling active and therefore deciding to 'do' something today, even if only go for a walk.
sigh
right - time to clear room, clear head, do washing, but food organise and arrange things better

spoke to the guy-i-finished-the-relationship-with-to-go-travelling last night. Broached the subject gently but i a half-joking manner. He looked so well, and his eyes made me melt. I couldn't help staring at him while he was eating. But, there we go. had the relationship. chose to end it. now have to face that consequence.
[and before anyone comments on how i've been a tar with loads of other people while off travelling - i am not unaware of this fact. indeed, all too aware.
Would i turn back clcock and continue... don't know. but i do know is that i will always care for him, despite him thinking i was just staring at him because he didn't eat the food his mumhad prepared but instead had brought with him a tesco's readymeal...

looks like it will be a nice day. been offered to go to a mate of mine in northampton area - have declined - i don't need extra mind stuff right now - emotional i mean - and that will just add to it - he's a grt guy but want to get things cleared with mr. Bow first...

oh what a tangled web...

Laters

arabic, hebrew, persian - having trouble with english!

yeah - english teacher suffering from the inability to speak, teach or communicate in native language - oh joy - world ocming to end or just a sign i need sleep.

WEll today was pay day - got paid, properly - nagged at agency - they sorted things out. all good
now just got to sort everything else ou - still looking for that goal - so if anyoe's got one spare that might fit?

ope all well - i'm kackered so sleepybyes nw. night

rediscovered muffins and finishing wine

9pm and all is well.
back to work after a nice relaxing weekend. CAroline visited [hello!] and we went o the british museum which she had never been to before [gasp!]
we looked at things, listened to a talk about early medieval europe , galnced at lewis chesspieces and then returned to lewisham.
we talked and watched films 1 and 2
attempted 3 but didn't have stamina
then headed our separate ways and i looked at greenwich some more. took some more pics and got ready for today
monday
day of moon - full moon as well or almost [haven't checked yet!]
school went well, but last lesson was a reminder of how teaching a non specialist subject to kids at the end of the day isn't such a great fun thing to do.
trying now to arrange to meet up with tariq - great guy - and sort out balances and things

hope you're well reader...

ooh - yeah, almost forgot - if you're reading this then you probably know of my love for comics. alan moore signing 2nd feb 2008 in london - anyone wanna join in the fun?? 2pm

a new day...

no brave new world, same stuff BUT today, first class, who last lesson were, well, (expletive inserted) to be frank, were, today... good.
not excellent model pupils, but good. fun. interested.
goodness bless the IT technician who fixed the laptop, the inventor of Friends and all deities watching down on me who gave those annyoing kids report cards who, for once, wanted to learn (threats and bribery - the cornerstones of education [was going to type corruption - interesting freudian thought there...]

ok - back to work - marking now...

anger

i will not be angry today - it wastes energy...

I tried. but with some of the pupils that are in today#'s educayion systenm, purposefully pressing all the buttons, swearing in your face, pushing past you intently. Why dio i stay here? the money? the prospect of doing good? i've been ehre, i'm on the same wheel - yet i returned to the uk with the offer of this job being something more, something better, i've been offered the 2ix role in return for? harder work - becomin (as another teacher put it) climatised to the crap we get given from the pupils?
it is not worth it.
feeling like this - that you want to hurt someone - usnure of who though - partly the pupil for getting you here, patrrtly the management structure fpor allwoing these pupils to be in your class, partly the government for letting society plunder into these depths, partly myself for allowing the children to get here...

sigh

how much do yuo have to give until you get back in return? i give and get back pieces of paper that have values to other epopel? a thank you. an appreciation? a parent or pupil giving thanks - rare - ahs happenned - but unsure whetehr it was worht it still...

many typos - not caring - will edit another life time - too mad and bitter right now to care.,

i bring you fire...

so from naked yoga sessions being offered to reading promethea by alan moore, i yearn for fire. inspiration. ambition. a goal

a mutable sagittarius, looking for a target to aim my bow and arrow. an archer sans aim. ship without anchor...
[poet without overuse of cliche?!]

anyhoo, here. waiting for agency to sort things out - they're gona lend me money again so accessable, but nt ideal - how to sort thigns - unknown but wil be doable.
right - onwards and upwards
back to book (and hopefully watching torchwood tonight as well - first episode...)

Dark mornings and free time

It went wrong.
today.
I'd like it back please.

What do you mean, not possible, learn and live with it? What have I learned today? I suffer from depression, this prevents me from getting up properly and therefore I run late for work, have to phone in late and travel a different route because transport for London don't see the necessity for a train at 8.20am to sidcup?
what have i learned today? that the school i work for are treating me like a cover teacher, that the frees i had today which i scheduled to help the school out with (by getting budgets sorted, deals arranged and things organised) wasn't possible?
that when i do cover the kids i teach don't respect you. i knew this already. i didn't need reminding...
unless...
unless this is the beginning of an awareness that mainstream teaching isn't for me. but we've been here before, I've returned to this country, doing this job to get money for travel... so why is it i feel a failure, and low, when i can't do the job to my satisfaction, having to call on senior management to 'bail me out'?
but it's ok - it's pay day.
apart from when the agency put the wages into the account you specifically tell them not to and it gets swallowed up, leaving you feel poor, useless, unable to do the things you wanted to and, ultimately, like you have no money ergo power.
i can't help out Dave. i can't give Ian the half of the money i owe him for something he's getting online. i can't by the trousers i ripped at the school i'm working at and therefore claim back yet. i can' have the drink i arranged with my friend this evening because, while on the phone she said she would get them, i wanted it to be dutch, to feel part of an older group and friendship.
so yes. today, i would like back please.
not possible?

there's always tomorrow...

In French, Tuesday is "Mardi", associating it with the planet Mars and the signs Aries and Scorpio. Tuesday is also associated with the ex-planet Pluto. People born on this day show the qualities of Mars, Aries, Scorpio, and Pluto. This marries Tuesday with ideas of strife, battles to be won and pressing issues and jobs to get sorted. It is not a day to relax.

achievemens, goals and foci

There is a film called Angel-A. Very good. The trivia section on imdb informs the reader of how the leading actress learned conversational French in TWO WEEKS s she could get the part.
TWO WEEKS
I'm reflecting on how, when I'm doing things for other people, I can move mountains out of the way, bearing any amount of burden for someone else (middle name Christopher...) but when it comes to self, can't have the same motivational ability.
why?
dunno is not a good enough answer - fully looking into this one now. I'm wanting to learn new skills but don't have the motivation behind me (no film roles here yet) to enthuse me into doing it. That, alongside my ability to organise being equal to a cats survival rate in a proverbial place and you'll note how I'm not doing so great.
Someone recently read my blog and email how i come acoss as bored. maybe i am. in fact, yeah, i am bored. but not travel lust bored. just needing some more focus. so, back to the druid board methinks...

red wine lips

after a flurry of getting to the train station (new x rather than lewisham), I got to Sidcup on time.
This was good as I have the cupboard key which my HoD had kept her laptop in.
Last night saw me meeting up with someone who had a cat, books, candle-lighting rather than electric bulbs and listened to everything from dresden dolls to mozart.
If we had clicked physically, he'd have been perfect. But we didn't. so, we're good mates - maybe.
Now, this leaves me pondering on many other situations. I got back in touch with the wonderful guy who I left when I went travelling - he's snowed under with work. I left an email message for the girl from uni.
Leaving me...
Puzzled. In a soft place (with a cat scratch and a clicked spine)
Later

"Of all the fantastical creatures in this fantastical world, you had to come and milk mine"

Ok . random quotes time from the last few days - make of them what you will:
[no particular order]
"You made a boobie call?"
"This whole area is designed for gays"
"He's a jerk. An arrogant jerk. But that's just an opinion"
"Wouldn't zombie milk just be cheese?"
"I haven't got time for stew. I'm not even dressed yet"
"Sorry I'm late sir. The bus wouldn't let me on as it was full so I had t get the next bus which wasn't going the same way"
"What are the '<>'s called?.." followed by: "You're doing a whole lesson on angle brackets? What the f@@@?"
Iggedy Giggedy oh yeah...

So - yes, my days have been random recently. over-sleeping, not knowing what day it is - must be working full time again now! hehhee, I'm the second in charge of the department - that means, on the cv at least, I've got more experience and climbing that wonderful ladder - soon the world - mwahahahhahaha
sigh
do people really aspire for this? I mean, more responsibility for what - a few more pounds - so more stress and more worry so you can get a slightly better car and more recognition - are we all that fame hungry - is it about ego? wanting to do more for fellow man or something else again?
ok - got to go - teaching html - and never taught html before - add to this the fact that, oh yeas, I've NOT TAUGHT ICT BEFORE AS A SUBJECT and we're getting somewhere n the understanding that yes, I'm swimming along and paddling like hell underneath..
someone will read this one day from the school or the agency - until then - grin - but agency people - as not mentioned the school or you by name directly...
and heck, I've looked at the percentage they get from me - they're nice people et al, BUT at same time, lets not pretend that they don't make a good lot of money from agency workers...


going to sleep now - hopefully more people following this - getting quite a few hits now - thanks - please leave comments guys - if only a hello - makes it more worthwhile...
hugs to anyone who needs one
Crescent

physically useful, as in physics, not sex

Went the conversation in the kitchen, after mushrooms and beans, before burning thumb, forefinger and middle finger on the very hot ring plate (which I picked up in order to clean straight after cooking said food).
then talked about druids, Stonehenge being an edited version post Victorian and unsure about the original placements.
Looking at puzzles online - anyone interested in puzzles?
Click here for what I've found:
Dillon Waugh - excellent constructor of puzzles - has done a tribute to Masquerade
Puzzles forum
and other useful things which I'll prob create a link to later on in my links bar to the right o this text.
Hope things are well with you dear reader - my fingers haven't blistered and my brain is still slowly ticking on. good day to you all *doffs cap and resumes reading and searching for 'things'*

On a train with Titania

I'm in Lewisham.
It's just gone midday and I'm wondering how to make the best of my day but at the same time relax and do as little as possible!
Went out last night after meeting some people online and, having some fun with them, am now completely knackered. For now.
Can't find my washbag. This is annoying as I would like to have a thorough wash (please don't read this as - what has he done for the last three days in London then - I have washed but you know, you want to cut nails, spruce up etc..)
Already I'm mildly confused - now sleeping on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed - which is fine, but having spent almost 2 months travelling and staying n camp beds, waking up in the mornings can be disorientating briefly.[Where am I? What day is it? Which language am I speaking to locals in?]
Today's subject header relates to the fact that, yesterday, after work I got chatting with a Canadian (they're everywhere and good on them!) who also started work at the same time at the school I am at (decided not to name it after all as then it shouldn't appear in search engines) and who was sending fairies for her friend to help her get work.
It worked, her friend now has employment and last night they were celebrating with an Indian food-fest.
The gel in my hair is itchy. I am going to hunt down this wash-bag, have a long shower and head out. Good day to you reader.
And to any who are in London reading this (or who can get to London easily enough) - what are you up to - text me, call me, shout me, visit (at Dave's)...

update 16:05] found washbag, just planned a budget - eeeeeek!
ok - sponsorship, random cheques and lunch vouchers to.... *grin* Not that bad, just this month will be tight (until main debts paid off - thanks once again to my money lenders!)

Its 11pm. Do you know where your brain is?

Ok. I travelled up here yesterday. Train. traa-in. Tube. Train. Bus.
[why do i love books so much - why did i have to bring so many - lugging the bag with
wheels UP stars on the underground - not a fun day...)
get to lewisham, where i now reside. say hello.
iron. iron. iron
sleep.
6am - 5more minutes. 6.30 - 5 more minutes 6.42 - oh crap, get up get ready pack get out of house run to bus stop must get there on time...
8.15 arrive at the school. School day starts when?
yep - 8.30am
so 15 minutes - meet this person, say hello, this is what you're teaching, this is your timetable, this is the library, the staff room, the room that so and so s in, this is where i can be found, this is where...
enough
my head is full and I've not started the day yet.
lesson 1,2,3,4,5. all boys school. good. generally well behaved kids though a few usual suspects who are trying it on. 6 refuse to work. heck, sod m. i;m there until i go.
one thing though - if you recall my previous discussions about WHAT I'd be teaching, it turns out that:
out of a 50 hour timetabled week...
(quickly counts..)
media - 18
IT - 15
GEOGRAPHY 2
and free time - check this - remainder.. (inc PA and prob loads of cover knowing my life maybe - but time for marking and prep more!) - 15

so all well and good - just seems more due to the fact I've started on a Thursday and therefore missed 7 of the 9 frees i' have had this scheduled week..
ho hum.

anyhow - it's cold. I'm tired. got a laptop (though still using the old computer at Dave's as it's trustworthy and I'm too tired to undo everything...)
right - sleep! get a good night's rest. nightynight

2nd day. Going to the next place.

Doug Stanhope - go home.
Excellent. talked about life and did it well. Watch it.

Planning for going to London later this 24 hour period. Tired. apcking. Tired more.
Heck, I mention I'm tired...

What do I need to pack? Clothes. Erm.. oh dammit, needing to sleep and pack. Why am i ehre typing instead - oh yeah, procrastination.
Laters.

Bye for now.

Balls, Prometheus and 574

Happy New Year.
There.
3 links to enjoy and learn from (and also work out the title?)
I've not sat down and reflected yet on the year. not thoroughly anyhow, to the extent i usually do. Sometimes I describe it, sometimes place it in prose or structured form.
This year, this change-time, I'm typing. A sign of things for the next year perhaps?
Well - here I am, 29, in my mother's house in the town of Barnstaple, in North Devon, UK. It's 4.45am while I type the beginning of this and I've got a bottle of Baileys in front of me. All is well.
This time last year I was sitting in my beat-up Nissan micra, sans coat, cold, wet, shivering, having tried to climb a fence to avoid being (as I thought at the time) arrested by the police for having gone to an illegal club/house party in a block of offices. In the car as none of my mates were answering and it was too wet to walk anywhere. Too drunk to drive so slept for a bit then went home,
January saw me still at Frome and continue there through to May when I suffered stress. I left.
I went to London and did supply with agencies. I fell in love and had a relationship.
November, I went travelling. The rest, dear reader, is here.
My aunt Sandra died this year. My cousin had a baby boy called Billy.
My family is in balance with the scales never remaining steady at any given point, someone always tipping it slightly and I watch as the forces of entropy, apathy and other '-y' words take effect.
2008. Starting alone. By choice. By circumstance of choice.
I have it good. there is food in my stomach, roof over my head and I can slander the government without fear that my family might disappear overnight. There are no bombs exploding overhead and my religion is of my own choosing.
I can walk down a street without fear (most nights) and do not need to carry a weapon.

I am,simply put, blessed.

Count your blessings, reader, before you start making petty resolutions and planning to lose a gram of fat there and a habit there. Not going to put statistics up, but, frankly, in the UK, if you're able to read this (therefore educated enough to read, have access to Internet (implying some level of basic wealth/finance/support) and aren't looking over your shoulder in fear, you're doing a lot better than most on this planet right now.
Plans for 2008? I was at my friend Laura's tonight, discussing such. I've got to make my mind up regarding the heartstrings and before that, I need to know where I may be staying (or not) for a while. So, first things first, Thursday, schooldays start.
[If you're reading this and teach Media, please leave a comment - need to pick your brains!]

Leave a comment. Take with you my thoughts for a safe, prosperous, healthy and inspiring new year. may it bring you what you want, when you need it.

Paul.