wheel's turning, been here before?

Last day of 2007.
Depending on which calendar you go with, this might be the last day of your year. For me, I expereienced a lot of change at Samhain, the Celtic New year, celebrated around Halloween time (NOT the same day/time necessarily)
BUT. I'm definitely aware of the fact that, later at least, when I start writing '008' rather than '007' (cue Bond music), a year has passed.
Every year I write something down in a journal, a book or on paper. This year won't be different, but I can be reflective for a moment right now as well due to the fact it's just gone 5am on new year's eve, I'm awake after running a cthulhu game in B'ple (and therefore have caffeine-for-blood) and I'm mildly melancholic.
Today, being a sunday, was a roast-dinner day at my nan's. should have been fine bar the mild angst-ridden tension that occurs whenever my maternal family get together (STILL not typed up Xmas yet - will do soon...) However, I made the mistake of trying to help. Therefore, I was doing wrong. having now been insured on my nan's car, I drove mum into town. On the way back I popped in to a friend of the family's with a new year card and well wishes. I was there for less than half an hour and about a one minute drive from my nan's.
Nanpanicked.
Where was the car? Where was I? I was obviously gallavanting with girls in her car and would be out until midnight. (she does not know me that well after all it seems).
Sigh. It would be nice to have all my family, both sides, in a room with everyone just being civil. ideally friendly, but civil would be a good start.
So. Decluttering. Packing. Washing (MUSTN'T do on New Years Day - Devon superstition). All before the first. start work on the third. therefore travel to london and get settled/prepared on the 2nd.
heck. that's (checks time) less than 48 hours away. and I need to sleep, relax, say goodbyus (and still some hello's yet!) to my mates in Bple.
5am. I'm typing crap. Cue stream of consciousness:
My teeth need cleaning due to the amount of sugar i've intaken to my digestive system.
Next door guy in supermarket is cute. Need to contact RY in london. need to talk to SM about potential futuer as well. Need to work out what i want. when. how. need to budget. sleep. live. breathe. learn stuff. read about druidry. learn salsa. sleep some more

reader - apologies i've not spoken to you for a while - resolutions are not gonna happen. instead, an understanding being made with myself. i'm gonna look after myself this year. properly.

Would it be too much trouble to ask for a comment on this post if you have read it - just a quick 'helo' and a name. - I've had 35 vsits in the last 4 days, don't know who, but i do know one thing - it'd be nice to get a few names from the regular readers!
HUGS, merry yule, happy saturnalia, happy 2008 - i hope 2007 wasn't too stressful and that you have a happy, safe, prosperous healthy and loving 2008.

---
slept.
ok - so I've phoned all my father's family and wished them a happy new year. With the loss they've received this year, it puts things in perespective, but my cousin is getting frunk, everyone ahs stinking colds and they are muddling through. Glen (my halfbrother) is doing well, has a performance tonight, dad is in bed ill (for the first time in a long time he is resting in bed) and nana is getting a new washing machine.
Life goes on.
I'm gonna use the fact my mum has free landline calls in a munute and call almost everyone on ym phone who has a landlneso if you get a happy new message on your answerphone around 2-3pm GMT you know why!
HUGS
If you're readig this and you've lost someone this year (or ever in fact) and feeling alone, please remember that you have others in yur life. You may not have met them yet, or they might not be there right now, but they will be. at some point. Trust in that.
Happy new year my friends.

errors in communication

not posted for a while - can I blame Christmas? i can definitely blame the fact its quarter to four in the morning for any typos and grammar errors which occur in this posting - will probably edit it later anyhow.
OK - what's been happening in the life of me?
21st evening/22nd morning - celebrating the solstice. This meant me, dressing in many layers, traipsing up to Castle Mound in my home town and watching the sun rise (also teaching someone about auras, third eyes, increasing senses and discussing the core aspects of the elements. Understanding the fact we are all in one world.)
Sleeping briefly.
22nd daytime, get up late, wander around town. meet up with some friends.
23 - drive to Reading and back (more on this when I have time) needless to say, briefly for those who have visited recently - left here at 9,30am, getting back at 11pm, driving through fog and accidents with my grandmother and aunt in the car. [keywords here: ecstasy tablet, screw in pub, jenny barmaid, food cold, words in card]
xmas eve: sleep. meet up for mya's birthday presents. comments here about friendships later on. under a bridge with the Irish...
xmas day: family dinner. no tension. nice food. frayed a little at end due to tiredness but all ok.
[family]
go to meet mat. intimidation by kicking dead carcass around guys. police. watch doctor who with mat. great fun. return home at 3.30 am - mum still awake - discuss impact and past maybe or edit and don't?
laters
hope you re well - unsure when this will be edited though...

dog's perspective

He is here The woman's CHILD He is up again late, but he's mine - HI hI hih ih hI hI hI hih
He likes me I make a fuss of him He's gonna take me for WALK - he does good WALK as he runs sometimes and makes me keep up with him i'm beating him though at moment as it's cold and I have 4 legs and he has two and
Cat
Jacket on Chain on neck on Door Which door? Front? Back hehhe a game Let's go No back in house get white plastic smelly material inside white we're going across the grey stuff again NEW path? smells ooh smell many many visitors here Loud noises wheeled metal lots of it people people people children loud people feet (new dog) bells doorway people people NEW NEW NEW (my tail is wagging)
We stopped oh WOMAN!!!! hello woman we in a different place, not sofa place, different place and you are here CHILD giving WOMAN the white plastic we staying I run to WOMAN, slippery floor skid going out door again NEW NEW NEW smells bread bread cakes (BiG dog)
"ROAD WAiT" I sit CHILD is taking me to NEW places must agreee with him as he is giving NEW smells and sights and fun and experiences and
happy happy tail tail
green large green run? roam a bit cold ground people say hello white trousers people talk I get chain around lamp CHILD smiles he is happy I am happy
back home yellow hot sofa sit protect tailtailtail
CHILD going CHILD back gets cloth from door and puts around neck
CHILD gone
CHILD back I am on sofa not asleep had protected place not dream of cat
CHILD smell of people uses yellow to make sticks yellow CHILD speaks lots no WOMAN though who he make noises to? CHILD opens metal door and puts round food in types on machine I protect yellow noise at door
ears move
wheeled metal again where is WOMAN

Goldilocks, patterns and happy endings/beginnings

Well, the next few days are going to be changing - moving family around the country, moving onto next path (solstice tomorrow - tonight)
Barnstaple, solo - here is a conundrum. Being aware of who does and doesn't read my blog is one thing but - and I can't stress this enough - if you don't want full insight, read another posting now..








still here?
ok- When I'm back at home, due to being in a house where obviously it is very hard to bring anyone back, I get MORE frustrated and desiring of close physical fun with people. It's due to the 'not-being-able-to-have-syndrome and therefore finding it all the more hornier.
Sigh.
Of course, I left a relationship in London and I'm trying to work out what is going to happen when I return. I left the relationship, put him through the wringer due to it being an intense relationship for both of us (it was short term but every day presence almost), and now returning a lo earlier than planned.
What do I say - can we start where we left off? No. Not fair on either of us (more him obviously). BUT and this is where a comment made last night at a party is stil smarting but only because truth lingers a lot more...
Sagittarians are very manipulative aren't they?
Yes. Well, I am - or can be. So, I could arrange things (Mr R.Y. - if you're reading this - these are thoughts NOT plans) and have it so we were back together as I am aware a lot of people. BUT that is not me. I don't want to be alone. For all the fun I had travelling (read previous entries), I'm still wanting spmeone to curl up with - perhaps setlle down with. I gain a lot from being in a relationship, looking after someone and being looked after.
YET there are the hormones and frustration which, as a 21st century guy who likes both genders, can, in effect, (and especially at Christmas) get it 'on tap' if I wanted it. Of course, it would require alcohol, regrets on both sides and manippulation but I COULD do it.
I don't want to. I want to give up alcohol. Get settled with someone (unsure of who - the same river twice..) and get the money together to travel again.
I can't. I'm slipping back into the same patterns. I'm needing it to be a strong day and to change minds on many things. Handy, this longest night thing ain't it.
Be prepared for a long night's worth of meditation and reflection - or debauchery to get it out of my system - or..
or? heck - I dunno...
So - report on devon living:
here in the UK for a week now. And this means what?
I'm driving my grandmother, my aunt and not my mum to Reading (grandmother does not know this yet though - sheesh - cue sparks to fly soon..) on Sunday. Been getting horned to hell and trying to hok up with north devonian's to no avail (met two nice people but they didn't connect, different reasons - needless to say, one too young, one too old - great, goldilocks on gaydar..)
[Ah - hyperdiagetic narrative at moment - speaking to someone on msn - wanting the blog for today while I'm typing... hi dave...]
So - talking with different female family members and juggling their emotions. Trying to get a few silly things for my mates at Chrimbo. Working out how to become a druid. Thinking about how much money to get the herbalism course done. phone rinigng - mum, forgot some stuff - so accelerate day now
walk the dog, take in the stuff mum has forgotten. but first nature calls.
Heck, read later people, after sunset. important time for me...

tuesday night.

yes.
karaoke in barnstaple. two for one on drinks which numbed the dull pain of being in this town, or rather the pain of being in a pub called glitterball in barnstaple.
barnstaple isn't THAT bad, just like every other town in the UK at moment, having its problems with drugtakers, loud yobs and homeless issues.
sigh
i watched a simpsons episode last ngiht and watched people try and make Lisa get happy with all the crap in the world. We don't think about it enough, we get on with our everyday lives and just ignore it.

In my family right now there are trivial situations occuring between famil members that will cause minor upset until the wheel turns and some other chump is at the end of the vitriol being dished out by the matiarch - bitter? no, just glad my grandmother is on my side right now.

i'mn making myself chips and hceese because 3.50 is too much and i want them soon...
I'm also wearing the glasses i had made for travelling as i wanted something new. it's been too long since i focussed on appearance and while not vain. i do like the impressions i can cause by wwearing different clothing and styling my hair.. smirk

time passes differently in devon - i've been here 48 hours already and it feels like forever and very briefly at the same time - yes, my syntax might not be great, nor my typing - 2-4-1- offer on john smiths does that to you...

come on chips - cook
erm.
yes finished thinking right now. bye.

oh.

Can't reclaim any insurance for coming home early. It was extendable and should have been borne in mind. Read the small print guys.
Heck, not overly fussed but would've been nice.
Tired. Went to a frinds last night, watched Family Guy - great series - wicked, non-politically correct cartoon - good fun.
Druidry research today. Onwards and upwards.

Last night, as I went for a walk a few things of Barnstaple welcomed me. Firstly, my internet-name handle, Crescent, had it's inspiration-song play as I started walking. Then Barnstaple chimed midnight with organised, structured Christmas lights swaying gently in the night breeze (and by heck love were it cold like).

It's a Monday morning. Already, the time of travelling is trying to become a blur, a faded memory as familiar things take over (the smell of dog, the disarray of my 'stuff', the life habits and things I longed for now seerm cluttering.) I recall my stars from a newspaper magazine I read on the train:

Sagittarius
By now you've undoubedtedly realised that this isn't just a cycle of change. You're being given an oportunity to leave behind certain burdensome elements of your life and concentrate on those that promise a variety of creativity, achievement and material success that you once considered beyond your reach. You may also have had a bit of an agenda about focusing quite so much on the trappings of scuccess without some form of justification, philosophical or otherwise. That's what this week is about - sorting out those old and restrictive beliefs in the light of who you've become. This is literally the only obstacle between you and the realisation of long-cherished dreams.

Now, I KNOW that newspaper stars are written by non-trained people and got an astrologers tag on top, but this IS so accurate in the "Hi Paul, how you doing?" manner, it's worth reading. So, today, looking for changing stuff and removing the old... New year again anyone?!

Home again, home again, jiggedy jig

The train pulls into Barnstaple. I've listened to the rants of a (possibly social-skilled impaired) man who feels that I, along other bourgeois classes should become communist; the discussion of a proud father-to-be-at-21 back from Iraq, and the excited chatterings of a large Indian family.

Yes, I'm back in North Devon.

Now, to any stranger who reads this, it may come across that I'm highlighting nationalities. Not at all, just the fact that Devon has (at long last) caught up with the rest of the world and become multicultural.
Good.
So, being picked up by my aunt (who informs me of the daily goings on in my family - yep- previous posts hinted, here I am now, in the thick of it) and driven to my mum's.
Barnstaple.
North Devon.
Home.

For how long...?

Flight of limbo, Night bus of hell, Morning of heaven

(Welcome here from Facebook if you've come just for more detailed info . as facebook but preceeded by *..read on.
Regular readers enjoy this next bit as new news...)



I have now returned to English shores.

Many people will be wondering, especially, as I said I'd be off for a few years, that I'm back so soon.
Few things.

1. money got short. Not generally a problem for me as I usually get work in places but needless to say a factor for the following reasons as well.
*Money has always been a transitory object for me. I've never actually sought it, but used it, as it should be in my opinion, as a tool. Yes, it is useful to get things done, but ultimately it is paper and pieces of monarchies-faced metal. I discovered, after getting the job, that flights back to the UK were highly expensive later on in the month (something to do with a birth, some gifts and God apparently). This then cascades into a chain of events which ultimately revealed to me that the money I thought I had in my account, I didn't. That the job that was available in Rome to me (working in the Hostel) would actually prove more expensive to do than to actually go and that, ultimately, I needed to eat, sleep and eventually return to the UK at some point. So, being the spontaneous guy I am, I came back.

2. I've been offered a well paid job in England for 7 months. This will allow me to build up a good amount of funds clear a big debt and allow me to travel a bit easier as well.
*This has been generally covered previously in earlier blogs, but I'm going to be teaching Media in an all boys school. Unsure about posting actual link to said school at moment, but will definitely be giving more information as time allows on this.

3. Family. A few events have occurred recently that I feel I should be in the UK for. *My aunt died. My father's side of the family are people I don't fully know. My mother's side are, as always at Christmas time, creating internal turmoil due to usual life and habits that occur at Yuletide. It is NOT up to me to sort things out, but I find that I can usually do a good job when I do. Good will and peace to all kin eh? Stay tuned on this channel to find out how the return to Devon fares later on...

4. Answers to questions I've been pondering have now arrived. Not in full, but I feel they should be examined more closely on more terra firma.
*I went searching for answers both about myself as a physical person and as a spiritual person. There were a few opportunities that were made available to me before I went travelling that I did not explore and some that, having seen other countries do things, I want to learn. Salsa. Spanish. Italian. Herbalism. Druidry (OK this one I didn't see abroad, but has been niggling for some time and before I go further afield, I really need to examine this one)

5. I was not getting any better with my cold. Not a big whinge but enough to hamper further travel.
*Cough. Splutter. Better but not best. Why push the body at a time when it needs rest (and roast potatoes) when it can be in an environment it is acclimatised to, familiar with and, which ultimately, I can get better in? No need.

There we have it. Why I'm back. Now, my regular readers (who aren't leaving comments, why not? pout I like to know that it's not just me reading this you know!) enjoy the ramblings of my psyche and a detailed report so, if you're sitting comfortably...

I awoke in the hostel and, as previous entry/ies demonstrate, decided to return to the UK. When I was happy that a ticket had indeed been booked in my name, I was able to reflect on the fact I had a few hours left in Rome. Being an English teacher, I wanted to see Keats's house (next to the Spanish steps) and having travelled the previous night past the Trevi fountain, felt I should pay the place a return visit.
Got the tube, got to the Trevi. Remembered last time I was there, with a previous partner, a wonderful man who had lived in Rome before. One of my profile pictures on a site came from the photo I had in front of the Trevi, and here I was, again, 2 and a half years later, unshaven, alone and older. It felt right to be there, on a winter day, looking back at a summer time. Concentrating enough, I found the place I stood, embraced, safe and recalled the time I was with him. I was happy then. Was I happy now?
Unsure, I found another point on the fountain and threw a coin in. Myth/tale/legend/tourist-trap-coin-grabbing-propaganda-Italians have stated that the Trevi keeps you safe when you throw a coin in. Until you return. So I returned and threw a coin in for thanks. A cycle complete. I threw another in, knowing that rome would be visited again, and looked up. A statue of a lady looked down at me and for a monet saw a knowing smile. Yes, I'd be returning here again...

Walked to the Spanish steps (ignoring the tourists singing do-a-deer down them...*smirk*) and entered Keats's memorial house. The place where he came to rest and recuperate. He died here soon after arrival, not having written any more poetry.
I walked in on a talk being given and felt at home, like an assistant teacher and briefly longed for that imparting of knowledge again. To teach. To learn from pupils. To reinterpret words and lines and plays and poems because my life is not one of my pupils so I will not see that a character is acting a certain way etc.

Leaving the house I returned to the hostel. Got my stuff. Ate some nice curried rice. Said my goodbyes (leaving the umbrella from the Excelsior as a gift - heck, too much to take as it was!) and left.

Train to the airport. Ticket machine not working, hassle from a fake guide, eventually got a ticket (overpriced version but at this point not caring and wanting to get to the airport) and travelled to the airport. Arrived, played some free-demonstration-Wii (cool, fun, but not worth the money yet) and looked for the flight info. couldn't find it... No panic. yet.

Then I read it. One monitor. All on a blackscreen in ominous white lettering, with both Italian and English:

We apologise but due to a dispute with [my airline I was to be flying with] baggage handlers, some flights may be delayed or cancelled.

Ok... Deep breath and find someone to ask. It wouldn't be mine, because I had to go home. And I couldn't afford any more time in Rome. And.. and..
{Deep breath Paul. find someone to talk to]
Ok. found someone. Yes flight fine. Check in here. Gate there. Shops here. Buy duty free. Spend money you haven't got but do it anyway because you'll be staying at... (oh heck, not got a place to stay in London for tonight yet! panic. no, phone people. breathe.]
Got a place to stay. What does Martin drink? and you? and her? etc...
Armed with a bottle of Jamesons, a tub of Mozzerela and a tube of choccies I found the gate*, checked through, sat down and waited. Slept. Delayed flight. not fussed now as flight WILL be happening. Got on plane. Took off. Free drinks. Free food (as veggie could only have chocolate, but wasn't buying it so not a problem really).

Slept.

Now, in the title of this blog I called it a limbo flight. Anyone who's read Sandman will hopefully recall Delirium on a plane, discussing planes being in between places, and wanting to walk on the clouds. Well, This was the same but at night. I was returning to the UK. I couldn't change plans now (literally, where were the parachutes etc. nope, going to the UK. in the air. no turning back now...)

I awoke.

We're landing, it's half eleven at night and I'm wondering where I am. Yes, I know that we're in London, Heathrow airport, that's me bag etc. But unsure of where I am. What language should I be attempting to speak? Where's the exit? Who am I?

I got a tube.

Eventually, like an overdone smartie, I ran out of tube and had to take a bus. Or two. It was the second one that I refer to in the title, and basically, alongside the WHOLE OF THE BUS, I discussed with a drunken oaf why the bus was not moving due to the fact he had brought alcohol on board, was drinking it, the driver didn't want him to, yes, it WAS against the law to drink on public transport, no there wasn't any signs because it was common knowledge...

I shouted.

The bus went quiet. A brief moment and he left the bus. The bus continued its journey to Streatham. I disembarked, walked to my friend's house, said hellos, gave presents, ate the food made 5 hours previously, then slept (oh yes, I slept beautifully) in a large double bed, which, to my amazement, had been preheated by an electric blanket.
Pure luxury.

I awoke. It had past midday and I was beginning to believe that the last 44 days were a dream. Then I found the dirty washing and it all came back to me.

LATER: I've now spent a lazy day, cooked for my hosts, ate, and relaxing. Going to upload my pictures and chill. Tomorrow - who knows. Will post again later as more to say but this post is already too long so. Laters...

acceptances and declinations

well, last night was good.
I went to a club. I met a very nice gent from america., he was staying in a five star hotel.
I now have an umbrella from a five star hotel.



I'm trying to get back to the uk now.
card declined.

problem.

booking things like flights requires electonic money. I have none it seems.
so, reliant on a very good friend to help me out. Her kindness, as always, will not go unheeded and as christmas/solstice is coming, she'll be having a nice surprise...

fingers crossed that I can get home huh?
more coming soon folks

deshabille

i'm tired. went out last night. got up late. not much to report. got the job. accepted it. now i'm thinking about either staying in rome until end of month (with day trips to pompeii etc) OR moving on OR heading back to uk now and doing day and weekend trips later on... sigh
what's a guy to do?

Writ on water

I visited Keats' and Shelley's graves today. There was a cat (photo to be inserted here) who guarded Shelley's grave but after a brief discussion we got on very well...
all was nice

debauchery and fun

Well, thatàs how it would look like to an outsider.
But to those in the hostel, it was all good, clean fun. I mean, just because I have empathy, used it to tease some VERY fit people and danced to Shakira like no other guy had ever done in the hostel in recorded time or space, I mean, heck, what's a guy supposed to do?
Grin.
I'm in Rome. Having travelled 22 or so hours on a ferry that, at night, was as windy as the English coast recently. We're talking big waves and 6 crazed tourists, all yelling loudly in English (2 australians, 3 americans and I) as we ran into the wind, fuelled by jamesons, vodka,. beer and shots of Jagermeister.
Grin.
Then we got to the dock, waited for a train to Rome (had a pizza), and got to the Hostel.
Now, dear reader, thatàs where it could have gone down hill. We faced a hostel in a blackout area of Rome... but luckily they moved us to the party hostel Ivanhoe where, potentially, I may be working until the end of the month. That, alongside the job offer in London (need to call them soon), and my life seems pretty good... will let you know, dear reader, very shortly...

so. called them. got offered the job. waiting to get clarified on exact details before booking flights etc as been stung before by companies/agencies but this agency are generally cool. just dotting i's and crossing t's (the i dot is called a tittle by the way!)
I's are dotted. Now, gotta cross that one 't' (called the atlantic)

Virtue?

Patience.
I have to wait for the ferry. It is at 6pm. However, I cannot get my ticket yet due to technical difficulties with the website booking procedure (and from the sounds of it, this is not the first, nor fiftieth, time they have had to tell people such). Add to that that commnication suffers from broken languagew skills on both sides, and the fact you've checked out of your hostel so no bed to siesta in and you're in the sam,e position I'm in.
Yet it's 20 oC or so in the sun (the wind making it feel a little less), I've eaten and all my stuff is safe at the hostel (always worth making frinds with reception staff. Even though hostel has policy of not keeping luggage for people after they have checked out, they are making an exception. Must be my charm?!
Patience.
Waiting. Can't really go anywhere as saving money and don't want to be late for checking in. Monday means museums are closed. Leaving what? Finished my books, all tarot-ed out and nowhere to doze safely.
Internet. Bless you as an invention and the fact that the hostel staff are letting me use it...

dreams, transitions, soft places

6.30am. I awoke with the memory of the dream that my grandmother had died, I´d been there to help her organise her funeral in advance, one hug, a goodbye.
I telephoned my mother in real life and informed her of such. No news back so assuming no oraclisation, just random subconscious thoughts assembling in an arrangement probably encouraged by my (now finished) reading of Day of the Triffids.
Previous to sleeping though, I´d met a man who knew my pendant (inherited from a great man) top represent "knowing the truth". What this is though, I am currently waiting on (he was heading to the soft places to discuss with Morpheus his day´s activities).
HDThoreau appeared in the form of Walden being held by another equally sober gent on the stairs. So, there are people who travel who can remain sober, not burst yoghurt cartons in your face and who think reading is a pursuable pleaseure whilst travelling.
I´m not alone.
So, today I´m checking out. Leaving Barcelona. Leaving Spain. Rome...

---
edit added 12.06: found a barclays. got all the money out i could, now heading for lunch with Bree and then to the harbour...

future in the cards?

So, I read Tarot. For other people. Yesterday, three ladies (always a good omen if they're nice to me), today a guy in the place I have my free dinner.
As I leave to return to the hostel, I notice a herbal van and then a guy dressed as a tree. Following from my readings as well, I conclude that learning more about druidry (a plan I was about to undertake but then got distracted by life etc) and herbalism...
Resist temptation. Get some money together. Go to further places after learning more from Avalonian shores. Odd how seeing certain things can make you thik certain paths.Of course, this, like everything else happenng so far, is not a plan set ins tone. More drawn in sands with a fast tide approaching (upon which a ferry takes me to Rome)
So, in a hostel drinking free drinks from the Italians who I've leant my playing cards to and examinig more of the interactions between different ages (courtesy of a large group of young people from a school on a culture trip from Malta being in the hostel).
Laters...

Pacifist but..

This morning my nerves were on edge. I was very close to smothering the guy (opposite me and up one bunk) with a pillow. With my soiled underwear. With a carrier bag. With anything that would have covered his fat labourous face with the mouth and nostrils of hell gaping wide, I would have gladly plugged them?
Why?
That explain´s that. But still, mucous babies aside, it is my last full day in Barcelona. I´ve been sent an email from the german girl, I´m too tired to care about organising anything interesting. The only reason I´m up is so I can drink some free orange juice and eat some crusty bread. There, I´ve had breakfast. I can now die a fully sated man.
If I see that man, awake, today, before I have slept some more...
(why not go to sleep again right now? He is STILL there, comunicating with his fellow hellbeasts in the tongue that only Voldemort´s fat, repugnant uncle could use...)
Things to do today:
Zoom by some Gaudi.
Book my ferry ticket.
Book a hostel/couchsurf for accomodation in Rome
SLEEP
Washing
SLEEP
kill the man

S..l....e...e....p..........

Saturday night, and the feeling´s right...

... for reading ´The Day of the Triffids´*. If ever you´re travelling and needing reading material, grab a penguin classic from any bookshop, cheapest versions €3.50, and worth using time to read up on the books that should be read...
or, as i did, a second hand book shop.

Everyone around me going out, because, being Barcelona, that´s what you do when you´re in a youth hostel. Or drink.
Done these things though. Awake becuase I´m trained now on Spanish/continental time and siesta-ing in afternoon lots... I´m finding the whole club/pub thing ok at first but unless major reason for party, gets dull.
Need people to do stuff with methinks.

Listening to three guys behind me unwinding and chilling. Man-flu almost gone,. just need to de-congest my upper torso and I´m there...

*not reading this site myself, not finished it yet... hate spoilers!

Happy bank holidays

It is the national (another one) day of Spain. Immaculate Conception of Mary (Mary doesn´t get sin as she´s mum of Christ NOT her getting Christ . follow link) Patron saint of Spain. Big bank holiday. That means banks close.
(Remember I stored a bit of money, safe keeping wise) in a bank? Well if I go to Rome, I can´t get it. So:
*Go, and transfer money (losing on about €30 in process)
*Stay, spending about €30 in process for hostel and live cheaply...

I´m staying, another two nights. In Barcelona. Tired. Sleepy. Monday, I´ll go. oh yes. but on Monday.

(Last night was fun though, admittedly. It started with chatting to two nice Italian guys and ended up with playing charades on a flight of stairs with same guys plus two others. 3 hours later. In between was a little dog called Bamba/Bomba (?), a crazy guy doing ´zazuki´ (karate!), buying beer off the street sellers manmy times (I can´t remember how to spell repededly (!))
Oh. Yes. And the everyone find Bomba the little dog incident which resulted in many people, including the drunk girl with red wine lips, going up and down the street, in and out of hostel and me around the corner. To find a little dog, think like a little dog.
"food. interesting smells. more people to play with. go away from crazy owner and loud noises to more interesting places. "
I found dog.)

So now, its 12.51, I´m in the hostel with half of my stuff scattered in bags because I havent´t packed properly as moving rooms (bizarre hostel living. changing rooms results in leaving stuff in between whilst waiting for new room to be cleaned/changed/evacuated. More complicated when, like today, it´s full...)
hungry? thirsty. shrug. better tend to the biological needs then i can focus more on the esoteric and spiritual matters at hand (sleep...)

Deracination*

So, I´ve spent about 4 years of my life training and working as a teacher in some form or other. I communicate with people quickly and well. (typos excluded!!!)
I meet people at breakfast from Korea. Somehow, I´m able to convey to people (using bread, jam and a spilt glass of orange juice) the name Martin, it´s origin and enquire whether there is anything similar in Korea [just dont ask]
No surprise then that the agency I signed up with in London for teaching has enquired whether I´m available for work, despite travelling. And thinking about it, as money becomes a little low, it IS tempting (full Media post, all boys school so behaviour should (?) be easier...)
yet.
and yet.
erm...

I have stumbled across a Travel bar as well in Barcelona whose owner is going to Morocco by Van. offering lift for petrol money. also tempting.
I´m also feeling the pull to go further east/south east and the ferry that leaves tomorrow from barcelona is very appealing (€29 + tax from bcna to rome).
money vs time vs destination vs homesickness and missing freiends slightly vs...
vs a pure self need to keep travelling and do what it is that is pulling me away. Despite a few minor lessons in people skills, is it arrogant to state that I´ve not really accomplished much while i´ve been away? Sure, seen some amazing things and not knocking that, but [and I´m aware that this probably reads like a spoilt brat typing now] I feel this journey should be doing something more.

The only thing that is drumming aroeund in the cranuçium is my attitude towards bisexuality/homosexuality and my own behaviour (past and present).
[if you didn´t know I was into guys, dear reader, while reading this, then you´ve propbably come across this blog by accident or didn´t know me very well]

so yes. spoilt brat wants enlightenment. or God. or some focus...

perhaps sleep?


*deracinate \dee-RAS-uh-nayt\, transitive verb:

1. To pluck up by the roots; to uproot.
2. To displace from one's native or accustomed environment

Deracinate comes from Middle French desraciner, from des-, "from" (from Latin de-) + racine, "root" (from Late Latin radicina, from Latin radix, radic-). The noun form is deracination.

love bites.

So. Went to a club last night. This morning I´m sporting a minor hickey. Won´t bore you with details, needless to say, got home at 6.30 having had a nice safe night clubbing and pubbing after a long day museum-ing and walking around.
The lady who has attached herself to me and I are meeting at 8.30 this evening to have food and then she is going to Madrid. I´m staying here, considering options of how long I want to be in Madrid for (do I WANT to see mountains etc?) before Rome, naples etc..
ferry not an option until monday so will be in Barcelona until Monday earliest. Booked into a much cheaper hostel now and therefore Euros being saved staright off...
thing is, barcelona does look like a fun city at night. but I´ve been there (lived in London after all...)
next place maybe? Oh how sometimes (esp when seeing other couples) I regret some decisions made in the UK and now travelling solo. but there we go. Love bites. Deep...

cancelled. delay. sleep. denial

"I´m sorry. The night train to Barcelona is cancelled."
That was yesterday. Basically, despite rambling contrary to my stated opinion, I got a night bus (shudder) to Barcelona. Arrived at 7am. Like a fellow Lampite has experienced, a latch-on required my assistance to find a hostel, to find out where things were etc. So, despite my usual need for independance, I´m now in an expensive hostel rather than the cheap one I found across the road (half the price I´m paying, oh well).
I slept.
2pm I got up, went for a walk, met a rent boy*, saw some lovely views of barcelona and found a free modern art museum (which was originally a nun´s convent!).
Now found a cheap internet place (not that cheap but ´credit´lasts up to a month so effective purchasing as long as I don´t get distracted by to much detritus online!)
Yeah. Barcelona. Here I am. It´s only €29 to get to rome from here on ferry (+€15 for taxes) so cheaperthan flying... do i want a room on the ferry though. 21 hour trip... has a discoteque...grin... funky!
Oh. yeah. I´ve said internally bollocks to the idea of not drinking. as I got drunk on last night in madrid, I decided to have a free-ush drink with my meal this evening adn feeling a lot better for it. talking of health, still a little man-fluish, dosing up on the meds though...
(and any who know me well know it´s bad when I take meds)
right, hope you, dear reader, are well... Laters!

*not actively looking, just after a bit of friendly flirting on my part, I was asked if I had money. With a resounding ´no´ being the answer, and my phone being denied by me to him as actual ´credit´for such services, I moved on...

Salsa-ed

It´s morning. I know this fact for a few reasons. Mainly the ball of fire is in the sky again, my body tried to sleep and my head and thighs ache.
Why?
Well, can´t account for celestial movements, just my own. I went out last night. Despite my oath of ´no more drinking, let´s detox and become more healthy´, it was my last night in Madrid, people were willing to go out. The drink was free. The clubs were free. We drank therefore. We danced. It became late. It became early. It became late again and I had to check out.
About to sort through the 2 carrier bags I ´assembled´ as I headed to the bank to get the money which had been paid in at last (see yesterdays entry). And drink something vitamin-y that´ll hopefully chase away the salsa-dancing dwarf living inside my skull who has done away with a pickaxe (as usual hangover) and teamed up with the mafia-training cough police (see facebook for explanations)

My shoes are shiny. My wallet is full. Onto Barcelona...

Logical chains

"Matter of fact, I could leave"
Thus spoke the Mad Hatter at the tea party*. However, whilst I *could* leave, unlike the Hatter, I have a hostel bill to pay. I haven´t been paid from the bar work I have done yet. Therefore I do not have sufficient funds. Therefore I have to stay at the hostel for another night (and by proxy, every night until the morning after my account shows that I HAVE been paid.). Therefore, like the four of swords reversed (a tarot card having dropped out of the deck hinting at this situation this morning before I was even dressed, alongside lots of other delay cards), I am enforced to stay.
Rest.
Reflect.
Recooperate.

Anyone who knows me can instantly understand my first feelings of resentment at being made to do something I didn´t ´want´ to do.
Something bigger than me is telling me to stay put. All for the best though. Can get stuff sorted before I go. Make the best of it.
(humph)

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

Postscript. It´s now 3pm. I should be paid tomorrow. Having slept, picked up my December wages and eaten the wonderful falaffel offered by the kebabby across the way, I´m a lot more stable. Question is: now what? Pack. Meditate. Heal myself a bit...( a lot!)

postpostscript (6.20pm)
Wanna read something funny?
5.10pm, 10 minutes after the banks have closed, I find out that the money HAS gone in. too late though to do anything about it. so, hostel one more night, then head on to Barcelona by night train, or maybe day, or maybe flight. who knows.. oh, me, thats right. It´s my choice...

*post edit, actually something almost similar in ..arkham asylum NOT Carroll´s tea party. but he should have said it there

Reflections on home

It´s [potentially*] my last full day in Madrid today. Having just got up and put some washing on (yes, even travellers have laundry issues), I´m now sitting down and thining about where I´m going next. and Why.
Last night I reflected heavily on WHY I´m travellling. I left a relationship, a family who were losing someone close and a lot of friends who, while supportive and caring while I´ve been travelling, I felt I needed the company of in a physical manner (I miss hugs!)
So, chewing the fat with an American called Clayton, examining the aspects of art, tarot, people´s reactions to different things, why films are memorable, wine, doodling, the human subconscious and other topics that arise at 5am (as the wolf leaves the mind), I´m deciding on where to go. And home calls.
I put a question on Facebook and asked people where I should go next, where I should be for Christmas**. The first answer was "go where your heart tells you to".
My heart. The fist sized organ beating in my chest which, if I were to listen to, would tell me to go to lupduplupdup, or more spiritually, ´home´.
Only thing is, where is home? Home is where the heart is. There are so many places and people I know, love, care for, that my heart is scattered about. Am I trying to gather my heart together again? Or is it hidden from me like Mad Hettie´s doll?
to be continued...

* potentially = waiting on wages from work. hopefully will arrive tomorrow as sat. is not a work day in madrid for banking. so if tomorrow, can leave after paying hostel. otherwise, i´m help captive by debt...

** Christmas = many people know me to be pagan, but I still, in a bizarre way, hold Christmas dear. It´s my nan´s birthday, and I enjoy (despite the MANY tales to the opposite told to my friends) the family getting together.

So, everything sorted...

On the internet that is. I´ve now allowed facebook people to see what happens here. I´ve allowed access to all my pictures from Flickr (having saved them FROM facebook, uploaded them onto FLICKR and linked everything together again.. sigh.)
now everyone has access to my spewing-forths of my brain. Question is, who will want to access such...?

For all the Spain pictures, click here...

spanishfood, originally uploaded by crescent2007.

Hopefully this will work. I´m new to the whole multi-media thang, despite being a teacher of it (grin)
So... hopefully you´ll be able to click on the picture and access all the pictures...? here goes

Tries. YAY!!!!

1st December 2007.

Ok. It´s just gone midday here, though by the time I finish, it´ll be a lot later. I´m in Madrid, Spain, Europe. In a cafe/net place called Vitimina drinking a carrot/apple and orange blend in order to try and remove from my system a cold that has been affecting my chest and throat since Monday.
I´m going to be writing here instead of facebook and myspace because, frankly, I like to keep things separate in my head, and that way everyone can look in one space but keep up to date with the other networking. also, it means that people just interested in what I am doing can come here etc. Finally, it means that I can put a link up and everyone can view it without joining up to any website (hi family!) and therefore have access to all my pictures. I´m doing this today as it is one month since I started my journey. A month. A moon cycle. (slightly more technically but heck, I´m in the western world and we love simplifying things)
My main thoughts will follow in a bit but I´m, going to edit and tidy up everything first and make things look how I want them to. Then, and only then, will I feel comfortable in emptying my brain onto the internet...