RIP Ronnie

My uncle died on Tuesday. His body was found yesterday.
He, therefore, was lying dead for three days before he was found and processes could be put into place.

My nan is in shock. My mum and aunt are dealing with the emotional side but it results in my nan being his executor of will and therefore I foresee a potential of legal mess and jargon alongside the usual emoional upheaval a death causes.

I am trying not to be so blunt but it is hard when faced with another death in so short a time. Death. End of life.

I just feel sorry that he died alone, but we offered him respite, a connection often. He chose his solitute, not wanting to leave Steve's side [my aunt], her house and his, the last connection to her. Now he is gone and regardless of faith, he is now with her in some manner or other.

I, as always, will help as best I can, but I fear for the next fortnight - it will be a strain on all concerned. Let us hope that the peace he has found will be a comfort to all involved.

Rest in peace Ronnie and Steve, together now.

Ronald Leyman, died 25th March 2008.

back to statistics

When I was 14, starting ks4 in mathematics, we were asked to examine something for statistics coursework. I started to investigate memory - taking ona huge project and eventually had to whittle it down to something simple [mainly for purpose of marking, research, time etc..]
but the issue stuck. in my memory. loitered in the background.

I went to university. studied philosophy, examined the nature of existence of dentity from a self-perspective, subjective and objective point of view. what are we? a continual temporal being held together by memory.
I remove some part of that chain of events - Monday Tuesday Wednesday Friday and I am left with a gap, indeed, something existentially missing - where was 'i' that day?

this isn't just ramblings - bear with me...

I've just watched a repeat version of Horizon [bbc science program] on memory which examined the idea of memory, scientifically, and the effects and such upon our very thought processes, existence and survival.
I recall events. they in turn become 'malleable' again and are reformed by my reinterpretation of them - i remember my memory of the event, and so on, rather than the actual event -like re-recording the same program on a videotape...
consequences: tape wears out the more i think about it, or, like a muscle, it gets stronger? our memory is created, shaped?, by the synapses, connections between brain cells that form and reform dependant upon our age, chemical balance, health, memory, event, strength of mind...
insert: Magical memory tour - the horizon program had this link - just entered a memory about a time when I was 5, and we made a large yellow papier mache submarine in our first year class. my friends and I hid in it one playtime from the teachers.
Now, returning to my thought track - if I were to remove that event from my memory, what would the consequence be? it didn't happen? no, not a truth - it may have been documented, recalled by others. so it does not stop the truth that, in 1984, a boy of 5 or 6 sat in a classroom with his friends spying on his friends with a periscope.
it did not happen to ME, but a 5 year old i have no connection with? I follow this thought and become mildly scared - the thoughts of being linked with a 5 year old, 24 years ago - time passed etc. I am that boy? I am a 29 year old? I am a 55 year old recalling this memory right now?
time's arrow is straight? we are mental time travellers to cite the program, and yet, with the research being done, I don't think the clues lie with our perception of time being straight but the interaction we have with it.

who am I? I am the person who was here 10 minutes ago, typing this. I am the person who half hour ago was downstairs watching horizon. An hour before that watching Torchwood [and almost crying].
or am I?


SPOILER WARNINGS FOR Fight club, THE PRESTIGE, Memento following
In the listed filmsidentity is tied with memory - filling in details to make our lives convenient or pursuing ideas based upon memory and memory alone. Horizon leads us to believe that we are only memory - and this may indeed be true - without our recall we become entities without identity - if there is no yellow submarine then there is no year old and therefore no childhood friends and no class, no education, no skills learnt and no schooling, no books read, no life from a literary point of view, no teaching, no money no London job etc etc etc
memento has a man working backwards through thoughts, memories, falsely? fight club the characters are dual natured, aspects of the whole - filling in the gaps - creating conflict at times with each other yet both with their own memories - it becomes more than just 'truth' - the characters involved can recall where they were at time x, but the evidence may not be there for such - i was making soap while tyler was blowing up credit building x - who is true?
prestige the same but with more intricacy - the sides know about each other yet still choose to live separate lives.
so identity is ties up with memory - we take that one stage further - and apply law? education?
do we need to rethink our teaching? [yes, but no just for htis revelation...]
our skills are based upon our memory and we learn in different manners, so therefore, qed, we nee to teach according to people's memory styles, not learning styles - we all need to learn how we recall events then teach accordingly - similar to learning [what is learning but memory therefore? is it an application of 'skill'
as well or is this just a facet of memory?]

heck - these toughts always come at 1-2am...
i'll hopefully write more about this altere on - though I say things like this all the time - and never get round to it - I ahve a cthulhu game to run tomorrow night and allI can focus on right now is the ideas that, within herbalism, there are cures for emmory loss and therefore, within tha ey, holds ideas for thoughts about humanity - and i get distracted by some people in my imagination running about looking for clues based on the past life of a guy called Sabine Baring gould.
we are remarkable creatures but at the same time get distracted too easily.
ooh shiny butterfly. enjoy the links - not all as first seeming...

where was I?

baring gould graves

baring gould graves, originally uploaded by crescent2007.

Once upon a time, there was a village called Lewtrenchard. And in this village there was a man called Sabine Baring-Gould. And in 1924 he died.
The inbetween is part of my Cthluhu game, and something that you, dear reader, should also research...
Enjoy.

we honeymooned on children's graves

Yes.
My friend Toby had the misfortune of going to Jersey for his honeymoon, on a certain campsite where they're currently discovering remains of children.
A truly horrific incident which I'm not making light of, just the misfortune of my friend Toby who came up with the title...

Now in Devon, having travelled, partied in Frome and now resting in Barnstaple before heading back to Londonium tomorrow,...
generally life is good, signed up with the OBOD, had some toast - waiting for mum to get ready and head off to Lewtrenchard...

happy equinox

balance.

night and day, light and dark.

a new start. I'm going to join druidry. i'm heading ot glastonbury, to talk to my older self. t reconnect.

ended up at stonehenge last night due to circumstances slightly out of my control and watched sunset and sunrise. cold. slept in the car. listened to bardic song and pop song.
now in frome. full circle it seems, or at least a small circle - last equinx i was here [was i?]
now... again.

to all who read this today, tomorrow or this weekend, happy easter, pesoch, passover, ostora, full-moon, equinx, thursday-sunday period, half term or other celebration if you're having one!

May your life and path be balanced.
Paul

TIBET

https://secure.avaaz.org/act/index.php?r=act
very simple - it's wrong. human rights are oppressed and superpowers are ignoring it because thye want cheap labour/technology/war suport.
sign here to demonstrate your awareness and support. Free. no trouble

cheers
Paul

apple pie and equinox

tomorrow night i'm gonna be driving down to frome.
so, if you're reading this and live down there - hi from me soon...
thursday morning i should be on glastonbury tor watching the sun rise. And sunset as well, witha bit of shopping on the day in the town... [ or meditation and booze...!]

thus begins the week off from school...

on other news, should be signing up for druidry tonight - so that'll be nice. [:)]
might even get chance to see devon people afterwards but driving on bank holidays isn't tempting me one bit - timing, timing...
Laters

black eye, sore back, over-active imagination

So - a victorian by the name of Charles Gould is wandering around the dragon lands, a supply teacher is nursing larp injuries [black eye made by 13 yr old Sam who got a good hit with latex sword, back pommeled to hell, mind stretched in al diretions] and a washing machine is doing its best to remove gren facepaint from a dress shirt.

Yes, a good weekend.

Now, this week i work for three out of five days, contemplate the existence of balance as equinox dras ever nearer, ponder upon where/what/who/how I'm doing this Easter/Ostora and wonder how long i can put off cleaning my shoes of mud before i go to school tomorrow [ and have to exlain many times over about the ey - need to get reiki-ing asap but being lazy now]
also got to pay some fines, sign up to the druid course ful whack and try to get my life [and body] into some semblance of order. get fit mentally, spiritually and physicaly . need to do all of this and need to sleep...

one at a time paul, one at a time.
Thanks to all who were at the event, thanks to all watching over me drive there and back and thanks to all my friends for continual support in my life so far.
its loneliness that is a kiler...

thedevoniansdance

thedevoniansdance, originally uploaded by crescent2007.

last day for registering to glastonbury... eek... not done my aunt's registration - knew there was something I forgot...

larping

2008_03_01-0027, originally uploaded by Rycochet.

forgot to comment - i did larping - here is me - in a woods - more pics somewhere - will post when less knackered - until then enjoy the pic.

holding onto nuggets #1

ok - its been too long since i wrote this - i said i'd write whenever i could, and I've not done that
how can i monitor myself when i can't even keep the basics up - hey ho..

anyhow
now at a different school, woolwich polytechnic school for boys - very good school that has a good handle on its behaviour and general outlook. Had a rubbish end of day lesson, but after the weather, who can really blame them? and the class were already raised to me as a concern class anyhow. But yes, holding onto the nuggets of a day - challenging a year 11 g&t student to write differently, pushing a drama group to better levels and discussing h.Bosch's garden...

all in all a great school - now got to sort out the rest of my life - will post more on that - hopefully- tonight - get my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen:L
moving, costs, permanency/commitment, couples and other life stuff...

more to follow