wheel's turning, been here before?

Last day of 2007.
Depending on which calendar you go with, this might be the last day of your year. For me, I expereienced a lot of change at Samhain, the Celtic New year, celebrated around Halloween time (NOT the same day/time necessarily)
BUT. I'm definitely aware of the fact that, later at least, when I start writing '008' rather than '007' (cue Bond music), a year has passed.
Every year I write something down in a journal, a book or on paper. This year won't be different, but I can be reflective for a moment right now as well due to the fact it's just gone 5am on new year's eve, I'm awake after running a cthulhu game in B'ple (and therefore have caffeine-for-blood) and I'm mildly melancholic.
Today, being a sunday, was a roast-dinner day at my nan's. should have been fine bar the mild angst-ridden tension that occurs whenever my maternal family get together (STILL not typed up Xmas yet - will do soon...) However, I made the mistake of trying to help. Therefore, I was doing wrong. having now been insured on my nan's car, I drove mum into town. On the way back I popped in to a friend of the family's with a new year card and well wishes. I was there for less than half an hour and about a one minute drive from my nan's.
Nanpanicked.
Where was the car? Where was I? I was obviously gallavanting with girls in her car and would be out until midnight. (she does not know me that well after all it seems).
Sigh. It would be nice to have all my family, both sides, in a room with everyone just being civil. ideally friendly, but civil would be a good start.
So. Decluttering. Packing. Washing (MUSTN'T do on New Years Day - Devon superstition). All before the first. start work on the third. therefore travel to london and get settled/prepared on the 2nd.
heck. that's (checks time) less than 48 hours away. and I need to sleep, relax, say goodbyus (and still some hello's yet!) to my mates in Bple.
5am. I'm typing crap. Cue stream of consciousness:
My teeth need cleaning due to the amount of sugar i've intaken to my digestive system.
Next door guy in supermarket is cute. Need to contact RY in london. need to talk to SM about potential futuer as well. Need to work out what i want. when. how. need to budget. sleep. live. breathe. learn stuff. read about druidry. learn salsa. sleep some more

reader - apologies i've not spoken to you for a while - resolutions are not gonna happen. instead, an understanding being made with myself. i'm gonna look after myself this year. properly.

Would it be too much trouble to ask for a comment on this post if you have read it - just a quick 'helo' and a name. - I've had 35 vsits in the last 4 days, don't know who, but i do know one thing - it'd be nice to get a few names from the regular readers!
HUGS, merry yule, happy saturnalia, happy 2008 - i hope 2007 wasn't too stressful and that you have a happy, safe, prosperous healthy and loving 2008.

---
slept.
ok - so I've phoned all my father's family and wished them a happy new year. With the loss they've received this year, it puts things in perespective, but my cousin is getting frunk, everyone ahs stinking colds and they are muddling through. Glen (my halfbrother) is doing well, has a performance tonight, dad is in bed ill (for the first time in a long time he is resting in bed) and nana is getting a new washing machine.
Life goes on.
I'm gonna use the fact my mum has free landline calls in a munute and call almost everyone on ym phone who has a landlneso if you get a happy new message on your answerphone around 2-3pm GMT you know why!
HUGS
If you're readig this and you've lost someone this year (or ever in fact) and feeling alone, please remember that you have others in yur life. You may not have met them yet, or they might not be there right now, but they will be. at some point. Trust in that.
Happy new year my friends.

errors in communication

not posted for a while - can I blame Christmas? i can definitely blame the fact its quarter to four in the morning for any typos and grammar errors which occur in this posting - will probably edit it later anyhow.
OK - what's been happening in the life of me?
21st evening/22nd morning - celebrating the solstice. This meant me, dressing in many layers, traipsing up to Castle Mound in my home town and watching the sun rise (also teaching someone about auras, third eyes, increasing senses and discussing the core aspects of the elements. Understanding the fact we are all in one world.)
Sleeping briefly.
22nd daytime, get up late, wander around town. meet up with some friends.
23 - drive to Reading and back (more on this when I have time) needless to say, briefly for those who have visited recently - left here at 9,30am, getting back at 11pm, driving through fog and accidents with my grandmother and aunt in the car. [keywords here: ecstasy tablet, screw in pub, jenny barmaid, food cold, words in card]
xmas eve: sleep. meet up for mya's birthday presents. comments here about friendships later on. under a bridge with the Irish...
xmas day: family dinner. no tension. nice food. frayed a little at end due to tiredness but all ok.
[family]
go to meet mat. intimidation by kicking dead carcass around guys. police. watch doctor who with mat. great fun. return home at 3.30 am - mum still awake - discuss impact and past maybe or edit and don't?
laters
hope you re well - unsure when this will be edited though...

dog's perspective

He is here The woman's CHILD He is up again late, but he's mine - HI hI hih ih hI hI hI hih
He likes me I make a fuss of him He's gonna take me for WALK - he does good WALK as he runs sometimes and makes me keep up with him i'm beating him though at moment as it's cold and I have 4 legs and he has two and
Cat
Jacket on Chain on neck on Door Which door? Front? Back hehhe a game Let's go No back in house get white plastic smelly material inside white we're going across the grey stuff again NEW path? smells ooh smell many many visitors here Loud noises wheeled metal lots of it people people people children loud people feet (new dog) bells doorway people people NEW NEW NEW (my tail is wagging)
We stopped oh WOMAN!!!! hello woman we in a different place, not sofa place, different place and you are here CHILD giving WOMAN the white plastic we staying I run to WOMAN, slippery floor skid going out door again NEW NEW NEW smells bread bread cakes (BiG dog)
"ROAD WAiT" I sit CHILD is taking me to NEW places must agreee with him as he is giving NEW smells and sights and fun and experiences and
happy happy tail tail
green large green run? roam a bit cold ground people say hello white trousers people talk I get chain around lamp CHILD smiles he is happy I am happy
back home yellow hot sofa sit protect tailtailtail
CHILD going CHILD back gets cloth from door and puts around neck
CHILD gone
CHILD back I am on sofa not asleep had protected place not dream of cat
CHILD smell of people uses yellow to make sticks yellow CHILD speaks lots no WOMAN though who he make noises to? CHILD opens metal door and puts round food in types on machine I protect yellow noise at door
ears move
wheeled metal again where is WOMAN

Goldilocks, patterns and happy endings/beginnings

Well, the next few days are going to be changing - moving family around the country, moving onto next path (solstice tomorrow - tonight)
Barnstaple, solo - here is a conundrum. Being aware of who does and doesn't read my blog is one thing but - and I can't stress this enough - if you don't want full insight, read another posting now..








still here?
ok- When I'm back at home, due to being in a house where obviously it is very hard to bring anyone back, I get MORE frustrated and desiring of close physical fun with people. It's due to the 'not-being-able-to-have-syndrome and therefore finding it all the more hornier.
Sigh.
Of course, I left a relationship in London and I'm trying to work out what is going to happen when I return. I left the relationship, put him through the wringer due to it being an intense relationship for both of us (it was short term but every day presence almost), and now returning a lo earlier than planned.
What do I say - can we start where we left off? No. Not fair on either of us (more him obviously). BUT and this is where a comment made last night at a party is stil smarting but only because truth lingers a lot more...
Sagittarians are very manipulative aren't they?
Yes. Well, I am - or can be. So, I could arrange things (Mr R.Y. - if you're reading this - these are thoughts NOT plans) and have it so we were back together as I am aware a lot of people. BUT that is not me. I don't want to be alone. For all the fun I had travelling (read previous entries), I'm still wanting spmeone to curl up with - perhaps setlle down with. I gain a lot from being in a relationship, looking after someone and being looked after.
YET there are the hormones and frustration which, as a 21st century guy who likes both genders, can, in effect, (and especially at Christmas) get it 'on tap' if I wanted it. Of course, it would require alcohol, regrets on both sides and manippulation but I COULD do it.
I don't want to. I want to give up alcohol. Get settled with someone (unsure of who - the same river twice..) and get the money together to travel again.
I can't. I'm slipping back into the same patterns. I'm needing it to be a strong day and to change minds on many things. Handy, this longest night thing ain't it.
Be prepared for a long night's worth of meditation and reflection - or debauchery to get it out of my system - or..
or? heck - I dunno...
So - report on devon living:
here in the UK for a week now. And this means what?
I'm driving my grandmother, my aunt and not my mum to Reading (grandmother does not know this yet though - sheesh - cue sparks to fly soon..) on Sunday. Been getting horned to hell and trying to hok up with north devonian's to no avail (met two nice people but they didn't connect, different reasons - needless to say, one too young, one too old - great, goldilocks on gaydar..)
[Ah - hyperdiagetic narrative at moment - speaking to someone on msn - wanting the blog for today while I'm typing... hi dave...]
So - talking with different female family members and juggling their emotions. Trying to get a few silly things for my mates at Chrimbo. Working out how to become a druid. Thinking about how much money to get the herbalism course done. phone rinigng - mum, forgot some stuff - so accelerate day now
walk the dog, take in the stuff mum has forgotten. but first nature calls.
Heck, read later people, after sunset. important time for me...

tuesday night.

yes.
karaoke in barnstaple. two for one on drinks which numbed the dull pain of being in this town, or rather the pain of being in a pub called glitterball in barnstaple.
barnstaple isn't THAT bad, just like every other town in the UK at moment, having its problems with drugtakers, loud yobs and homeless issues.
sigh
i watched a simpsons episode last ngiht and watched people try and make Lisa get happy with all the crap in the world. We don't think about it enough, we get on with our everyday lives and just ignore it.

In my family right now there are trivial situations occuring between famil members that will cause minor upset until the wheel turns and some other chump is at the end of the vitriol being dished out by the matiarch - bitter? no, just glad my grandmother is on my side right now.

i'mn making myself chips and hceese because 3.50 is too much and i want them soon...
I'm also wearing the glasses i had made for travelling as i wanted something new. it's been too long since i focussed on appearance and while not vain. i do like the impressions i can cause by wwearing different clothing and styling my hair.. smirk

time passes differently in devon - i've been here 48 hours already and it feels like forever and very briefly at the same time - yes, my syntax might not be great, nor my typing - 2-4-1- offer on john smiths does that to you...

come on chips - cook
erm.
yes finished thinking right now. bye.

oh.

Can't reclaim any insurance for coming home early. It was extendable and should have been borne in mind. Read the small print guys.
Heck, not overly fussed but would've been nice.
Tired. Went to a frinds last night, watched Family Guy - great series - wicked, non-politically correct cartoon - good fun.
Druidry research today. Onwards and upwards.

Last night, as I went for a walk a few things of Barnstaple welcomed me. Firstly, my internet-name handle, Crescent, had it's inspiration-song play as I started walking. Then Barnstaple chimed midnight with organised, structured Christmas lights swaying gently in the night breeze (and by heck love were it cold like).

It's a Monday morning. Already, the time of travelling is trying to become a blur, a faded memory as familiar things take over (the smell of dog, the disarray of my 'stuff', the life habits and things I longed for now seerm cluttering.) I recall my stars from a newspaper magazine I read on the train:

Sagittarius
By now you've undoubedtedly realised that this isn't just a cycle of change. You're being given an oportunity to leave behind certain burdensome elements of your life and concentrate on those that promise a variety of creativity, achievement and material success that you once considered beyond your reach. You may also have had a bit of an agenda about focusing quite so much on the trappings of scuccess without some form of justification, philosophical or otherwise. That's what this week is about - sorting out those old and restrictive beliefs in the light of who you've become. This is literally the only obstacle between you and the realisation of long-cherished dreams.

Now, I KNOW that newspaper stars are written by non-trained people and got an astrologers tag on top, but this IS so accurate in the "Hi Paul, how you doing?" manner, it's worth reading. So, today, looking for changing stuff and removing the old... New year again anyone?!

Home again, home again, jiggedy jig

The train pulls into Barnstaple. I've listened to the rants of a (possibly social-skilled impaired) man who feels that I, along other bourgeois classes should become communist; the discussion of a proud father-to-be-at-21 back from Iraq, and the excited chatterings of a large Indian family.

Yes, I'm back in North Devon.

Now, to any stranger who reads this, it may come across that I'm highlighting nationalities. Not at all, just the fact that Devon has (at long last) caught up with the rest of the world and become multicultural.
Good.
So, being picked up by my aunt (who informs me of the daily goings on in my family - yep- previous posts hinted, here I am now, in the thick of it) and driven to my mum's.
Barnstaple.
North Devon.
Home.

For how long...?