like buses... none then 3 in one day...

so, wrote to dad. got a reply. got some answers. thanks dad.
still adrift, but arranging with a friend some life coaching. waiting for the druid info to arrive as well. would be nice to have bearing. the compass works, just need a goal now.

if this seems very introspective at moment, pleae be aware i could comment about the world around me but its all the same colour at the mment. nothing is standing ou, so all i have, as descartes observed, is myself...

continuations

so.
now at school. tired. oddly enough, being aake at 4 can make you tired. should have just stayed up rather than claw back another hours sleep.
yawn
erm. teaching. secondary? primary?
what? when
do somehting completely different - csi...???

waning crescent, wolves at the door and circling helicopters

another 3.30 am rising
[need to get this keyboard changed - crap...]
just awoke after having a dream about my dad - has prompted me to ask a few questions to myself (and ultimately to him) about heritage and family tree...

there is/was/will be a helicopter circling overhead. Vulture of police, looking down, seeking someone wong. Will they ever circle to look for things right, to praise, or is our system always looking to punish, to correct, to change those wrong into our version of right. Education, criminalisation, institution... thank you blair, labour, tory, cromwell...

we come from out fathers and mothers. Two people who meet, encounter and create us. Life. Sexual union to bring forth creation. Usually a loving relationship allows for this life to come forth, but, as so common nowadays, more of a quickie in a bike shed/club/transit van and fingers crossed it doesn't happen.
*Family Planning.
Yes, lets plan the miracle of life. Lets timetable it, engineer it, push forward dates and, when inappropriate, terminate.
please note - I am NOT prolife, but prochoice. Knowing a few couples and a few individuals who have made this extremely tough decision, had to live with consequences of their choice, it is not soomething I'd wish on anyone. However, at the same time, everything happens for a reason, both the arrival of potential life and the choices we make, so...

We always live with our consequences and sometimes they niggle into or mind and affect our choices 29 years later on. I know my parents are proud of me for being who I am and will help me in any way, but, 29 years, single, childless, am I failing in my duty to continue 'the family line'? Godness knows, there are enough children in the world without intentionally* wanting to create more, but, as no loving female relationship is apparent to me, no planning of any type can occur right now.
So, respecting my elders, aware of their role in my life as parents, I look to them. They are both living in a world where their skills are overlooked, their hopes and dreams taken away due to crap governments and poor budgetting of society and I think: If they, with their abilities and aspirations, hopes and desires are not granted what they desire in life, what do I get with no dreams or aspirations?

Many people dream about winning the lottery for themselves. I'd love it to get money to look after them. They both deserve it, with their choices they've made in life, they've had harsh consequences to deal with and yet can still hold heir heads high, look the world in the face and say, "I've never intentionally set out to hurt someone. I've always done/I'm doing my best for my child/ren (mother/father). I am a good person."

This, though, doesn't seem enough. I've got friends who are religious. Different faiths, but all of them believe in a bigger picture, a plan as it were.
How does their crap in life fit into that plan? It's shaped me, true, but from a non ego-centric point of view [hard i know...], is it a matter of deservemenet or is it just fate/chance/choice?

The wolves are at the door. It's almos 4am. It's all over when the wolves break through the walls...

where ...fixing nets

so wages mucked up again
saisbury's have given me a voucher for complaining with a personally written email - reinstalling a little faith in customer service

just waiting on vdafone
and a new job idea...

just a vessel?

hey reader - how's you?
I'm ok - just typing this having now signed up for the introductory course at the OBOD (Druidry) - link here: http://www.druidry.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=PagEd&file=index&topic_id=7&page_id=47 [ some reason no allowing me to edit and can't be bothered to redo the whole thing,,,,
Maybe that'll give me some focus. some aim. Something. Because, at the moment, apart from trying to help other people around me and escaping into my imagination, it seems that I have nothing. Not in a depressive manner, just a simple one. No ambition. Ian, flatmate, is planning to move out. his goal, getting a house, is being achieved. Mine - my goal? What? I have none.

Saw Alan More yesterday - he's so nice - staying in the cold for 2-3 hours before hand isn't so nice but there we go. worth it I think to meet the guy who created the wonders which got me into Graphic novella and the whole medium of communication with picture and word.
erm...

not hungry. not overly tired (though a bit sleepy). Puizzles not rocking it. Sigh. What to do on a sunday - have the seeds to reiki and potentially tidy up the herb garden to get it resafdy for later, but... but...
oh heck, i dunno - anyone out there got any ideas????

anyone?


hello...?

imbolc

happy imbolc. ma your homes be warm, may there be light in your minds and hearts and my your path be free from obstacle.


musings later, after i've spoken to alan moore...

almos imbolc, almost time...

Time.
That bizarre concept in which we monitor the outside world, our internal thoughts and our personal and world-based expereinces. We cannot step into the same rive twice - the more we repeat Herolietus, the more we believe it. Because, even if we were able to step into the same river at the same time (with some metho of time travel) there'd be someone in the way. Ourselves. At that moment in time. And if we are to posit multiple universes, then it is not the same river we are steping into but multiple world 2's river etc.
So, hero old chap, you're right? Unless I'm applying logic and sense to impossibilities and herefore instantly limiting myself. after al, there is the world of the immateria, the imagination...

Einstein claimed that imagination is much more important stuff than knowledge. He also said that God does not play dice with the universe and that most of the stuff he did was for fun.
It's now 4.0 by the electronic version of a timepiece in the bottom righthand screen of my monitor. (that infers that it is eleven minutes past the fourth hour in the morning of the 31st january 2008 a.d. and that the time i have spent wrting this has passed... past...)

Torchwood episode from last night just watched, hence the musiings on time. Up early due to going to bed for a 'np' and sleeping unil 10pm, getting up briefly then continuing my journey into neverland/hy basil/land of nod etc...

Buddhist witha blue spiral will...
...nepal...

Something someone said - means anything to any readers out there?

Anyhow, I'm going to continue my musings into the night, reflect upon stuff and then, most likely, go for a walk.
4.14 - do you know where your time is?