the first dance

friend 1 and 2 are married - snuck images on facebook - they look wonderful - older, oviously, but wonderful
friend 3 who i had a brief thing with an friend 4 are married - again, wonderful
friend 5 who is a really good mate though we are distant in space, is marrying day before my birthday

I do...

who can I say that to? no-one - not feeling lonely, just wndering about commitment and nature of such - I look at some people, people who's weddings I have attended - others who I've not - and I envy them. They are strong enough in their convictions to know they will be together for a long time - and, in most cases, have already been such - since uni in fact...

Me? I have met a few people but know that I'd have cheated, killed or sabotaged somehow the relationship by now.

"Tired of playing with this bow and arrow... I've been a tempt-er-ess too long..."


I lack something - the hermit stays alone, fixed at his ninth position in the deck, the hanged man chooses when to untie himself and the other major trumps move about. Wisdom to shelter - advisor to others - and myself - I'm repeating the same ieas and thoughts I did when I was 17, 24, 29. Learning - patience. but. and big but. to what end?
In sickness and in health I wait.