"Alert the amphibious squadron"

thank you miss jolie, now, focusing back on my life

I said I would update my life, and here I am, doing such. Now. Still single, playing two job agencies against each other and getting more money from it. That's how it goes, sorry (mainly aimed at any agency reading this - they may have a link from me sending them emails from my cv etc.)
Anyhow - working in variety of schools, working out whether or not I'm really cut out for main school teaching - despite what I've been typing, I have fluctuating days of whether or not I'm suitable for it.
medicine.
possibly - would be good to have some of my mother's skills put to use - I'm sure nursing is genetic.. more than first aid wanted though...
planning for tomorrow night's cthulhu game - also doing a LARP one day event this weekend - dragonlore larp - seems to be good - anyhow
that's my spare time
not much really to report in general - just thinking lots about decisions and things needed to get sorted - not really able to discuss them here right now - nthing heavy, just not wanting to have open field day until they're formulated a bit more. needless to say, it involves a cat, a friend, some money, cthulhu, an ink pen, some travel research and my car called Mego.
hope you're well reader.
Laters

still alive

working. resting. being.
nothing much to report. been nauhty, been nice.
eating too much junk.
just sitting here watching world go by...

better get fit i suppose.
willwrite more soon. sleep needed now

sunsets and travelling with family

at dad's.
two days ago i drove here in a hired car after delays with paperwork meant that I couldn't have car yet. so, in new upgraded hire car from 1car1 (very reasonably priced!), I spent EIGHT hours travelling up tot he lake district. yes, eight hours. 2 hours travelling across london on saturday morning - may have been less fuel if travelling at normal pace, but heck, the computer didn't know about the fifteen diferent diversions that day [nor the ineptitude of the driver to recognise a diversion sign in advance...]
so - here now - drove dad to his show in norht wales last night - and back again - had choice not to but decided would help him out AND allow for me to get more used to the car, more used to driving longer distances and also driving at night.
so, after two filling scones, a walk in grange over sands and a consideration of many differnt things, I'm here on a monday night, feeling slightly restless, slightly relaxed and glad to be with my family once more. partly want to go out though...LOL
hope you are well reader.and to matt who is hopefully reading this agin soon - my phone ran out of huice so apologies i didn't call you back - will text when back in london - which, for everyone's benefit, will be around friday

also -if i forget - don't forget everyone -
total LUNAR ECLIPSE - WEDNESDAY NIGHT...

boobies, bums, bards and alliterative b's

signed up to another ,agency yesterday. wiating on them - they offer more money and seem a bit more 'slick' in regards to the 'friendly friendly' approach of my curent agency - will see what comes about when time is right
handed in notice yetserday as well
endings and beginnings
got home after having some nice indian food and buying things to make me feel better, i went home. waiting for me was my druidry stuff. started listening to cd and fell asleep, knowing words going in somehow but ultimately will learn from it properly. have done first lesson today and set up a secondary blog to record learnings. as yet, won't make public, but be assured that it's there.
If anyone else wants to come on this journey with me, learning about druidry, speak now. we can share course materials etc and it'll be good having someone else to bounce ideas off of.
but no worries if not interested either. just watch for the growth, the change and the introspection that comes when i am allowed to think for myself about myself.
hugs to everyone reading this - there aren't enough hugs

hope you are well

fogged up 51'st

so, this is my 51'st post... yay.
fog caused my mum a problem with her driving assessment for her new job (positive thinking here) which means she'll have to resit it later.
I got stood up, ended up chatting to another guy at the bar for a bit before i left, hungry, still having not eaten, and so went to a chinese with a guy called Johan (hi Johan!)
[he was just looking at the menu, also having been stood up, by his friends admittedly, but both of us were at a loose end]

had nice food. had a nother drink or three then came back home [chatting to a group of guys who proclaimed to the train that my golden hind badge was, in actual fact, membership to 'I have a donkey-sized cock' group.... talk about universe trying to cheer me up!
Was even offered to go with them to the club, but decided against it. not really my scene and I was too knackered.
came home, had some pizza from a couple of girls on the bus [ta ladies!] and went to bed.
almost asleep when I remembered to charge my phone, came across the message:

"London's burning, or at least the bit of it called Camden"

So, finding out the details, I checke the interweb this moning and, yes indeed, Camden is burning. A pity - a great market which hopefully will rise again from the ashes, but judging from the size of the fire, unlikely for a while at least...

leaving me to do the washing, thinking about camden and the possibility that, like a few other things in London for me, it's been reduced to a pile of ashes, I'm wondering where as well as what I should be doing...
The post is weird - delayed druid stuff, delayed clubcard points... delayed sainsbury's voucher...

something i said?

Box, 3ish...

I've got a date..
*grin*

agencies are fighint over me re: work - had extremely minor episode of stress yesterday so decided to take the heeding and veer away from work. real bad day before - this job has done it for me, really, and so looking elsewhere...
anyhow, i got to get ready, meeting at - got to get my hair done *L*
nah - but do have to try on all of my vague-ly clean wahin to see what looks ok - won't take long therefore..

hope all well with you reader.

like buses... none then 3 in one day...

so, wrote to dad. got a reply. got some answers. thanks dad.
still adrift, but arranging with a friend some life coaching. waiting for the druid info to arrive as well. would be nice to have bearing. the compass works, just need a goal now.

if this seems very introspective at moment, pleae be aware i could comment about the world around me but its all the same colour at the mment. nothing is standing ou, so all i have, as descartes observed, is myself...

continuations

so.
now at school. tired. oddly enough, being aake at 4 can make you tired. should have just stayed up rather than claw back another hours sleep.
yawn
erm. teaching. secondary? primary?
what? when
do somehting completely different - csi...???

waning crescent, wolves at the door and circling helicopters

another 3.30 am rising
[need to get this keyboard changed - crap...]
just awoke after having a dream about my dad - has prompted me to ask a few questions to myself (and ultimately to him) about heritage and family tree...

there is/was/will be a helicopter circling overhead. Vulture of police, looking down, seeking someone wong. Will they ever circle to look for things right, to praise, or is our system always looking to punish, to correct, to change those wrong into our version of right. Education, criminalisation, institution... thank you blair, labour, tory, cromwell...

we come from out fathers and mothers. Two people who meet, encounter and create us. Life. Sexual union to bring forth creation. Usually a loving relationship allows for this life to come forth, but, as so common nowadays, more of a quickie in a bike shed/club/transit van and fingers crossed it doesn't happen.
*Family Planning.
Yes, lets plan the miracle of life. Lets timetable it, engineer it, push forward dates and, when inappropriate, terminate.
please note - I am NOT prolife, but prochoice. Knowing a few couples and a few individuals who have made this extremely tough decision, had to live with consequences of their choice, it is not soomething I'd wish on anyone. However, at the same time, everything happens for a reason, both the arrival of potential life and the choices we make, so...

We always live with our consequences and sometimes they niggle into or mind and affect our choices 29 years later on. I know my parents are proud of me for being who I am and will help me in any way, but, 29 years, single, childless, am I failing in my duty to continue 'the family line'? Godness knows, there are enough children in the world without intentionally* wanting to create more, but, as no loving female relationship is apparent to me, no planning of any type can occur right now.
So, respecting my elders, aware of their role in my life as parents, I look to them. They are both living in a world where their skills are overlooked, their hopes and dreams taken away due to crap governments and poor budgetting of society and I think: If they, with their abilities and aspirations, hopes and desires are not granted what they desire in life, what do I get with no dreams or aspirations?

Many people dream about winning the lottery for themselves. I'd love it to get money to look after them. They both deserve it, with their choices they've made in life, they've had harsh consequences to deal with and yet can still hold heir heads high, look the world in the face and say, "I've never intentionally set out to hurt someone. I've always done/I'm doing my best for my child/ren (mother/father). I am a good person."

This, though, doesn't seem enough. I've got friends who are religious. Different faiths, but all of them believe in a bigger picture, a plan as it were.
How does their crap in life fit into that plan? It's shaped me, true, but from a non ego-centric point of view [hard i know...], is it a matter of deservemenet or is it just fate/chance/choice?

The wolves are at the door. It's almos 4am. It's all over when the wolves break through the walls...

where ...fixing nets

so wages mucked up again
saisbury's have given me a voucher for complaining with a personally written email - reinstalling a little faith in customer service

just waiting on vdafone
and a new job idea...

just a vessel?

hey reader - how's you?
I'm ok - just typing this having now signed up for the introductory course at the OBOD (Druidry) - link here: http://www.druidry.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=PagEd&file=index&topic_id=7&page_id=47 [ some reason no allowing me to edit and can't be bothered to redo the whole thing,,,,
Maybe that'll give me some focus. some aim. Something. Because, at the moment, apart from trying to help other people around me and escaping into my imagination, it seems that I have nothing. Not in a depressive manner, just a simple one. No ambition. Ian, flatmate, is planning to move out. his goal, getting a house, is being achieved. Mine - my goal? What? I have none.

Saw Alan More yesterday - he's so nice - staying in the cold for 2-3 hours before hand isn't so nice but there we go. worth it I think to meet the guy who created the wonders which got me into Graphic novella and the whole medium of communication with picture and word.
erm...

not hungry. not overly tired (though a bit sleepy). Puizzles not rocking it. Sigh. What to do on a sunday - have the seeds to reiki and potentially tidy up the herb garden to get it resafdy for later, but... but...
oh heck, i dunno - anyone out there got any ideas????

anyone?


hello...?

imbolc

happy imbolc. ma your homes be warm, may there be light in your minds and hearts and my your path be free from obstacle.


musings later, after i've spoken to alan moore...